Hi there. How are you today? Me? I’m alright. My first blog ever talked about how my hip was bothering me since my trip to Scotland in August and it’s not gotten any better. I think that I’m literally, before my very eyes, turning into an 84 year old man that needs a hip replacement. Or, I have a pulled muscle. Either way, not good. Damn you aging!!
But, I don’t need a good hip to write…or type…so, I will push forward. I don’t want to let you down, my genuinely funny and kind Follower.
So, where were we? Oh yeah, my ream long resume.
Let’s wrap this up with the final 8, shall we?
So, I moved back from Florida…now what was I going to do? Take my newfound Theme Park skills to Canobie Lake Park? No. I had already been to the summit, I couldn’t now hike downhill. (Wait, that analogy doesn’t really make sense, but whatever, you get what I’m saying…)
No, I will instead, take my newfound insurance and sales skills and go work at my local…
26. State Farm Insurance: Doing what? Cold-calling people that hate your guts. Sounds awesome. And guess what else? All that folding and stuffing envelopes that I did for the Summer Theater many years prior, those skills came in handy too, as I stuffed many an empty envelope for State Farm as well. The cold calling, the hatred, the envelope cramming…I couldn’t do it anymore. I lasted yet one short week.
27. Unnamed Spa: I was given the opportunity to help out an old friend that I knew from my Road Kill Cafe days that was opening a spa. Guess what she needed help with? (They weren’t open yet, she was just training staff…) so, she needed people to have her therapists work on. Yes, this was my job. I had various sugar and salt scrubs, massages, facials, nails, more massages…it was tough. (But guess what wasn’t tough? My skin. It was really soft.) This agonizing work parlayed into a gig as the Front Desk person once the spa opened. Best memory from this place: I was able to purchase ALL the awesome products at COST. The COST of that stuff, is ridiculous. Something they’d sell for $85, I’d buy for $7. (I guess that’s how it works…) This ended due to that old adage, “Friends should never work for friends if they still want to be friends.”
28. Maine Ornamental Woodworkers: I’m laughing typing this. What in the World (WITW)…I’ve done it all people. So, here…I was an “Accounting Specialist”…with all my years background in “Accounting”…but, I was good with computers, worked well with “Sortkwik” (Fingertip Moistener) and knew how to put checks in a bank bag and drive them to the bank. At MOW, they manufactured “Fence Post Caps”…I never knew this was a thing before this job. I thought, the posts just came like that. Nope. There are 72 trillion choices for post caps. There were only four of us in this office and it was a good time. It felt like working from home, in an office. We made breakfast a lot in the kitchen and sat at the table together, we’d order out lunch and sit in the meeting room, we’d go out for Dairy Queen often…okay wait, I just described ONLY eating. Weird. Anyways, I was laid off the day before Thanksgiving. Gobble, Gobble!!
From the time I moved home, I knew I wanted to start my own business. But, what would I do? I liked to plan parties…I liked music…I liked to write…I liked to perform…and guess what else I really like to do? (I ask you to do a lot of guessing in my blogs, sorry…) I like to clean.
What was born from this was, “ABstract Events” (see how the A and the B are both uppercase??)…a universal company that could hold many entities…such as:
29. iClean Cleaning Company: I LOVE to clean, so why would I not want to make a really good amount of money, work on my own time and be my own boss for a living? Why?? Because people are disgusting. Come to find out, I don’t LOVE cleaning other people’s messes. I had clients, as nice as they could be, that lived in total disgustingness. They never did anything, only what I did for them twice a month was what got done. WEEKS of dirty dishes. Laundry everywhere. Horrific things I cannot and will not mention. (I love and respect you too much, Follower.) And this was the norm. However, I had one client that was so OCD (a person after my own heart) that I felt bad taking her money. Her house was SO clean. I’d just wipe up the absurdly clean counters and shimmering sinks and feel bad. This lasted a few months. Not enough time to use up all the free business cards (plus S&H) that I made on VistaPrint.
30. ABstract Events- Professional DJ Services: Yet another stop at VistaPrint for business cards and now, I’m a DJ for weddings and birthday parties and the like. I was actually really good at this. Listen, give me a microphone and I shine. The bad part was a few-fold…carrying heavy shit, dealing with certain Brides (aka NMB’s…nightmare Brides) and not being awesome with technology. I used a laptop, cutting-edge DJ software, top-of-the-line equipment…and I really didn’t know what the hell I was doing. There was no back-up plan if the laptop went down…and a couple times that proved to be a high-stress situation. Guess what is awesome at a wedding? (Come on, the guessing is fun…) The answer: No music. Just kidding. It’s not awesome at all. It was too stressful. It’s a longer story than what I’m telling you and maybe one day on my blog called, “My Divorce Actually Wasn’t Too Funny” I’ll tell you more about my DJ gigs….
31. Unnamed Biotech Company: This is where I currently work. My Mother told me to be careful on this one…I know, Mum…thanks.
One of my best friends from childhood, worked here and when I moved back from Florida, she tried to get me to come and work there. But, I was like, “I was a Musical Theater Major, what do I know about Science?? Ummm…nothing.” But, after the layoff from the Post Cap company and my inability to continue to wipe other people’s walls of God knows what, I decided to take her advice and give it a try.
For the first 18 months, I wore a one-piece jumpsuit everyday. (Company issued- not a crazy fashion choice I made…) I’m not 100% sure it’s a good look for an overweight lady, but let me tell you…ridic comfort. It’s like wearing footy-pajamas at work everyday.
Again, coming from the opposite side of science in my life, I thought it was crazy that I was now: aliquoting things, testing pH meters and saying things like, “Yes, I tested that filter” or “Pass me that clamp and gasket…” It was a great learning experience which took me into a desk job dealing with Records and Managing Records and other non-Science, Biotech stuff. See? I got the DJ thing all wrong! I wasn’t supposed to be “spinning” records, I was supposed to be “managing” records…
This is my longest-ever running job (or is it my Career?? I’m not sure…) in six-months, I’ll have been there for NINE years! Who am I?? Wow. Astonishing.
Every job has it’s negative elements, but I will say, I really do like working for this company. My 2nd family is there. Some of the people I work with are some of my best friends. One of the people I work with is none other than the hilarious and seriously sleep-deprived co-founder of this blog, Chick E. And, I must say, get your boots on, it’s about to get mushy in here…I am incredibly thankful to my current job for many reasons, one of the biggest ones being, bringing Chick E into my life. She’s absolutely one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I can’t imagine how I got by 5 years ago, without her.
(The Resurrection of ABstract Inc.!)
32. About four or five years ago, a friend of mine, who was newly engaged told me that she wanted someone she knew, a friend, to marry her. Not like, marry HER, but perform the ceremony. And she said, “I think you should do it.” I love to write (duh, obviously, I have a blog), I love to perform and talk into a microphone and I’m not 100% opposed to marriage. So, I drive to Augusta. Fill out some paperwork, hand them $50 and voila! I’m a Notary/Justice of the Peace for the State of Maine…and can perform ceremonies in other States upon approval from that State. So far, I have married four couples and performed one “Renewal of Vows”…all ceremonies, custom written using a questionnaire I give to each couple. (Sorry, this isn’t an advertisement…UNLESS….you need a JP….then, it surely is…) (References Available Upon Request.)
33. Co-Founder of World Famous Blog and Blogger: So, I’ve mentioned this before…the number 33 holds a lot of significance in my life. It started with my first love, Larry Bird and has eerily followed me in my life…so here I am, Job #33. Again, is it a job since I don’t get paid? (Yet.) I think so. I feel like it is. I pretend like it is. Let’s just all agree that it is. Thanks.
So there we are. ALL 33 Jobs. I’ve been here, there and everywhere. I’ve learned so much about so much. It’s all just been material for my Lucky 33rd and final (hopefully) job. This kick ass blog.
Thank you for reading our craziness. We love doing it and hope you (and MANY, MANY others) will continue to Follow and enjoy the ramblings of topics, our ridiculous and sometimes insane sense of humor and tell all your friends (and enemies for that matter, we don’t care…) about us… Too Funny Chicks.
P.S. Sneak Peek at Upcoming Blog Topics: “Obsessed With Bacon” and “Why Do We Still Have Baby & Bridal Showers? Everyone Hates Them.”
P.P.S. Job 34: President of Loving You.. But it’s really not a job. You’re so easy to love.