Nope, I Didn’t Pee My Pants. Just Tried to Eat Breakfast. :/

Let me preface this blog by saying that I am sort of clumsy.  And by sort of I mean extremely.  I am extremely clumsy.  I spill things.  I break things.  I walk into walls.  I am a friggen disaster on a good day.  Let me also say that I intended to write this blog a week ago but then got crazy busy and tired.  And Chick A wasn’t around much (she’ll tell you why later) so without her cracking the whip I lose focus.  I’m basically a child.

Last Tuesday I woke up extremely motivated.  I got Grace ready for school early and left the house a solid 45 minutes before I normally do.  I was going to get to work early, get a million things done, all by 11am so I could go to the gym.

Then I tried to eat breakfast.

I didn’t eat at home because I wanted to leave early.  So when I got to work I poured myself a nice big bowl of cereal.  A NICE BIG BOWL OF CEREAL.  Which I then proceeded to dump.  EVERYWHERE.  All over the rug, my purse, my shoes, my pants, my chair.  It was so bad.  I don’t think in all of my years I have ever had such a horrendous spill.  You know what though?  (Silver lining)  I did not spill on any of the electronics on my desk.  I work in IT.  At any given moment there are at least 4 laptops on my desk (Don’t ask why.  You really wouldn’t care.)  I managed to miss all of them.  Mostly because I dropped the bowl on my lap and not so much on my desk.  The picture that accompanies this blog is an actual picture of my pants from that day.  It doesn’t really capture the severity of the spill but you get the idea.

I was at work early because I had an 8am call.  I had to listen to that conference call while standing up.  Because my chair was covered in milk.  As was the ass of my pants.  Good times…

The smell was slowly starting to set in so I emailed my facilities manager to fill him in on my morning’s activities.  I think I actually said “my ass is covered in milk”.  Who says that??  Ever??  Especially to someone at work?  Does this go on in anyone else’s life?  He said “I’ll send someone up”.  So in walk two guys from our cleaning company, one of whom is carrying a broom and dustpan.  I take one look at it and say “Nope.  Sorry.  That’s not going to cut it.”  Then I roll my chair back to reveal the large milk stain now baking into my carpet in the early morning sun.  Off they go, with plans to come back with a steam cleaner.

It all turned out fine in the end.  In fact, better than fine.  I wound up with a freshly washed carpet in my office, a new pair of pants, and this fond memory of my adventures with Life cereal at work.  Except I returned the pants.  Because I didn’t really need new pants.  Did I mention that I literally had to go buy new pants that day?  How was I supposed to keep working with the smell of rotting milk setting in?  Right?

I’m trying to find a moral to this story.  Don’t eat in my office?  Yea right.  Eat breakfast at home?  Who has time for that?  Don’t eat breakfast at all?  I heart breakfast.  That’ll never happen.  Learn how to eat like a normal adult?  Someday maybe.

So here’s hoping tomorrow is a more successful Tuesday than the last one. I have another 8am call. I think I’ll have a smoothie for breakfast. In one of Grace’s sippy cups.

-Chick E




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