I Apologize for my Bitchiness, I’m Trying to Quit Sugar



Hello 2014.  Nice to meet you.  With you comes a lot of pressure (see Perfect in 2014).  Starting with this: Quitting Sugar.

I told several friends and family members about this, and their response was generally a look of grave concern, followed by something to the effect of “you’re going to die!”.

A little background, I f’ing love sugar.  I love that stuff.  Candy, ice cream, cookies, brownies, cake, frosting, juice, you name it, I’m there.  And when I say candy, I mean all of it.  I love that guy.  Candy is awesome.

I sort of signed up for this a little blindly, so on a trip to the grocery store late December I started to focus in on the project.  I’m not a quitter, and I said I was going to do 30 days of no sugar in January, so it was time to buckle down and really understand what that meant.  Want to know what that meant?  I was going to be eating air for 30 days.  Guess what?  There’s sugar in everything.  Everything I want to eat anyway.  I mean, I guess I could spend 30 days eating nuts and meat (Heads out of the gutter people, come on.  This is serious business!), but who wants to do that?  And guess what?  Some nuts even have sugar in them.  A lot of them do.  Meat probably has sugar too.  Farmers are probably stuffing cows and chickens with sugar cubes to make them tastier.  And quite frankly, I’m OK with that.  Because here’s what I’ve decided…I’m not giving up sugar for 30 days.

I know, I know.  I just said “I’m not a quitter” but this challenge is literally setting me up for failure.  There’s no way I’ll make it.  I don’t even think I want to make it.  So instead, I’m going to try to learn a little something about this thing I’ve heard of before…I think it’s called “Moderation”.  I’m not sure exactly what it means.  Chick A and I will both tell you we know nothing of this thing people speak of.  If we’re doing something, we’re doing it all the way.

So instead of quitting sugar, I’m going to quit what I’ll deem “non-essential” sugar, like candy and sweets.  I’ve made it 3 days so far, which for me is a record.  Which is why if you see me in the next 27 days and I look like I’m about to murder someone, throw me a Rolo, or some Nerds, or maybe a Tootsie Pop. Those things are a delight.

Happy New Year our faithful followers.  I’ll keep you updated on my sugar free adventures.  No, that’s a lie.  I’ll keep you updated on my less sugar than normal adventures.  That sounds so lame.  I’m sorry!  I just can’t do it!

-Chick E


4 responses to “I Apologize for my Bitchiness, I’m Trying to Quit Sugar

  1. Don’t think I would want anyone for a friend who did not consider sugar a personal friend (except ellen of course).


  2. Pingback: I Apologize for My Bitchiness, I’m Failing at Quitting Sugar | Too Funny Chicks·

  3. This post is very timely. I like it. A lot of people in the social media- fbook/twitt/ig – sphere – are doing #nosugarjanuary. I thought that might be good to try. I lasted 6 hours yesterday. It’s too hard. I am 100% behind your #nonessentialsugarjanuary.


    • I’m so glad I’m not alone. I felt like such a failure. Salsa broke it for me. There’s sugar in salsa. But a ton of veggies so doesn’t the good outweigh the bad?? I mean, how much sugar can there really be in salsa?? (I’m totally rationalizing here)


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