The other night, I took my bf to see a book reading. Sounds wicked fun, right? I’m the best gf ever! Okay wait, before you rethink my coolness, I will say that it was a book reading by B.J. Novak, aka Ryan from the Office…he’s been in movies like “Inglourious Basterds”, “Saving Mr. Banks” and soon to be playing Alistair Smythe, enemy of Spider-Man in the upcoming “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”.
He read from his new book, “One More Thing. Stories and Other Stories.” It’s a compilation of short stories that he said had all come from ideas and thoughts that he’d been carrying around in his brain since he was a child.
One of the stories was about his idea on what the sequel to the Tortoise and the Hare fable would look like, which was called, “The Rematch”….which was hilarious. It says how after the Hare loses to the Tortoise in such a humiliating way, he “retreated, understandably, into a substantial period of depression and self-doubt.”
There was one called, “No One Goes To Heaven To See Dan Fogelberg” which was laugh out loud funny. I laughed so hard at just the title, being a Dan Fogelberg fan myself, but laughed again when the twenty something to my right didn’t laugh because they had no idea what that meant.
While being escorted to our seats in the beautiful Portsmouth Music Hall, the Usher handed me an index card and said that I could write a question on it for B.J. and they would collect them before the show started and the person who would be interviewing him after the reading presentation might just ask your question.
If you know anything about B.J. Novak, you’ll know that he’s always being linked to co-writer, co-producer and co-star in The Office and very good friend, Mindy Kaling, who I LOVE. Her book, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns)” was the last book I read and the first book that TFC reported on in our now erased column, “Funny Stuff to Read”.
Anyways, here is my index card that I turned in:
If you read my blog, “Chick A: Not A Good Candidate for Book Club President” you’d know that I am not a “reader”, but I will certainly be reading this book. It’s short stories, so…I think I can muster that much attention span to handle it.
Anyways, if you had purchased the book at the event, which I had, you were able to go backstage after and meet B.J. This thought, of meeting him, was bittersweet. Sweet because, in general, it’s fun to meet celebrities, but bitter because I have a very, very bad track record with meeting celebrities.
This is how it shook down:
We get in a very long line after the show, where we are being ushered backstage. There are people with sticky notes asking if you want your book personalized. If so, they write down the correct spelling of your name(s) on the sticky note and place it on the page where he will sign it. It’s very factory-esque.
Note: I had brought with me a Maine magnet that looks like a 3D lobster with all the legs flailing about on it. It’s taped up in bubble wrap and I don’t want to just hand it to him in the bubble wrap, I want to give it to him as a magnet. (I debated wrapping/gift bagging the magnet, but felt like that would be a little much…) So, I’m trying to get the tape off the bubble wrap and having a difficult time carrying my big parka, my purse, the book, the program, getting my camera phone ready and dealing with sticky note guy, so I am a bit frustrated.
The line is also moving pretty quickly, which you would think would be a good thing. It was not. We’re almost at the long table where he is sitting signing books, shaking hands and taking pictures with everyone in line. We come to a woman who takes our book from me to get it ready for signing, I’m still trying to get the lobster magnet free from it’s bubble wrap prison…and arguing with my bf about whether we should give the picture taker our real camera or my iPhone. (Camera won, by the way…) So, we’re next in line…the lady hands him our book. He doesn’t look up at us. I say….maybe a teence loud and as fast as I can, (when you read this next part, read it REALLY fast…for affect…) “HI! I brought you a magnet, we’re actually from Maine, so I brought you a Maine magnet.” He smiles and says a quiet thank you and I go on…”I brought it kind of as a bribe for you to read my blog…” I hand him a Too Funny Chicks business card… “Oh, okay,” he says…I can tell I need to move on…but, I don’t want him to think that I don’t care about him as a performer/actor/writer/celebrity and I’m just trying to do some PR for Too Funny Chicks! So I say…again, loudly and as fast as I can, “We LOVE the Office so much, we’ve seen EVERY episode SO many times….we LOVE it.” And then, grasping to make him feel REALLY appreciated, I blurt out, “And HE (pointing to my bf) LOVES “Inglourious Basterds!” And I wish this next part had been videoed. Because the face he made was absolutely hilarious. It was like a face that said, “Ummm…are you still talking?? Can you shut up now? You’re wicked annoying.” With a slight head nod. Like, “Yah…zip it lady.” (To make this face, raise your eyebrows as high as they’ll go, widen your eyes as big as you can, have a fake half-smile and nod your head a tiny bit, all while feeling a little frightened inside.)
Plus, the lady who had taken our real camera had said, “Oh…you weren’t looking…” talking to B.J. and he said, “Did I miss it?” And she said, “Yah…” but she just handed me our camera. No second chance. His face in the picture actually looks like the face he gave me when I wouldn’t shut up. See the magnet on the table next to him?? I gave him that! It’s from Maine. It’s a Maine lobster magnet!
When we were shuffled through to the end where the door was, there was a girl standing there looking at her phone and complaining about how bad her picture was. We agreed that ours was bad too and I then went on to tell her how I was talking so much and I didn’t act cool at all and how I gave him a business card from my blog and did she want one too? She did. Or at least she said she did. What was she going to say? No, I don’t want one. So, I gave her one too and we were out of there. And I could start coming to terms with how completely uncool I was once again when meeting a celebrity.
I mean, I’m cool!! I’m a cool person! I don’t know why I act like such a complete spaz when I meet someone famous. It’s so embarrassing.
I want to tell you my stories about meeting other celebs, so you’ll understand why I said I have a bad track record, but I’ll save that for another day…my feelings of shame are overtaking me again with how lame I was….I can’t relive another right now. But, just so you can get really excited, here are some of the other celebrities I’ve met and/or talked to on the phone: Chynna Phillips, Richard Simmons, George Thorogood, Nelly Furtado, Howie Day….I know, I know….you’re impressed. You should be. 😛 (Aka you’re probably like, “Who are all those people?”)
Heart you…whether or not you act cool around celebrities…