The Chicks Review The Olympics: Part Two

I want to start this post by apologizing. I know that our words regarding the events that take place at the Winter Olympics will be offensive to some. To those of you who participate in or cheer on someone who is involved in one of these events…we’re sorry…but, listen, EVERYONE is thinking the same thing…what I’m about to say…I’m just saying it for all of us.

Bobsledding

Oberhof, II. Wintersportmeisterschaften, Bobfahren

Wikipedia aka All Knowing Genius of the Internet says that Bobsledding is defined as:

“Bobsleigh or bobsled is a winter sport in which teams of two or four make timed runs down narrow, twisting, banked, iced tracks in a gravity-powered sled.”

Sledding, on the other hand, is explained on Wikipedia as:

“Sledding or tobogganing is a world wide winter activity, exercised most often in a prone or seated position requiring a device or vehicle generically known as a sled or toboggan. It is the basis of three Olympic Sports: luge, skeleton and bobsledding, all of which are based on sled principles.”

sledding_1261

My point, you ask? That sledding is an Olympic Sport.  That’s the truth. Yet, the seriousness to which bobsledding is taken makes me almost want to use the horrible acronym, “LOL”. But, I won’t. It’s too stupid.

You’re sledding. You’re jumping, sitting, holding on and probably having so much fun. Have you participated in making the sled more aerodynamic? I don’t know. I bet they have a team of engineers that do that. It’s not like a famous basketball player is pumping up the basketballs with air. Football players putting the white lines on the field. No.

People always talk smack about NASCAR, how it’s not really that skillful either. But I disagree, I think there’s a little bit more knowledge needed on how to brake at certain times, listen to your motor, understand air flow, I don’t know, there just seems more to it than running and jumping into basically a log-flume ride apparatus and crouching your helmeted head down.

Why are we demonstrating this sport like it’s something so amazing, that takes such talent? I don’t get it. It’s hard for me to even cheer for my fellow Americans on TV (not that I watch it…) but, how do you cheer for that? “Awesome ducking!”?

Moving on…

Skeleton

Skeleton1

Wikipedia defines this sports as, “Skeleton is a fast winter sliding sport in which an individual person rides a small sled down a frozen track while lying face down.”

So…could we also call this sport, “Wrong Way Luge”? Possibly, Read The Chicks Review The Olympics: Part One for more information.

Really? Again, it’s sledding. It’s holding on for dear life.

Lastly,

Biathalon

Janez Maric of Slovenia tags teammate Klemen Bauer during the mixed relay race at the IBU Biathlon World Championships in Pyeongchang

Wiki says, “Biathlon is a winter sport that combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting.”

This ALWAYS reminds me of a Jerry Seinfeld bit, he says this:

“Some of the events in the Olympics don’t make sense to me. I don’t understand the connection to any reality…Like in the Winter Olympics they have that biathlon. That combines cross-country skiing with shooting a gun. How many alpine snipers are into this? Ski, shoot a gun… ski, bang, bang, bang…It’s like combining swimming and strangle a guy. Why don’t we have that? That makes absolutely as much sense to me.”

When you see him talking about this, he does this hilarious thing where he pretends he’s swimming and then pretends to strangle a guy. It kills me. If you haven’t seen this, you’ve got to get it, it’s so funny, the whole thing…you should get it: Jerry Seinfeld: I’m Telling You For the Last Time.

See? Even Jerry Seinfeld undderstands the absurdity in this sport. Who thought of this? I feel like cross-country skiiers in general would be kind, nature-loving, pacifists. Not “La la la, we’re in the outdoors, skiing along….la la la, LET’S SHOOT SOMETHING!”

Figure Skating. Hockey. Speed skating. Anything skating. Yes. I can understand that talent and years of work come into play with these events. Absolutely. 100%.

(Do I agree with the outfits worn in Figure Skating usually, no, but that’s a whole other blog…)

3_alio10

Listen, if you are a Curler, Luger, Skeleton-er, Sledder or Cross-Country Shooter, I’m sorry. I’m sure you have a real passion for these things and I applaud you for following your dreams. It’s not your fault anyways, it’s NBC’s fault for trying to tell me that these are sports that should be taken very seriously. I mean, if these events took place in the Olympics in jest and we all collectively thought it was funny, like even the participants knew it was a farce, then fine. But when I watched 10 minutes of Curling last night, it wasn’t funny to them at all. It was DEAD serious. And, I can’t take their seriousness seriously. I mean, why isn’t Bocce an event in the Summer Olympics then? Tell me that. Why isn’t Frisbee a Summer event? That would make more sense to me, there’s throwing accuracy, catching and running that seems more like a sport to me than just “STAY AS FLAT AS POSSIBLE!!!”

Daytona_april3

Thanks for the help in proving my points, Wiki. I heart you.

Heart you, you too Olympians…whatever your “sport” may be,

-Chick A

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