Albert Einstein said that, “The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
(Too bad he never said, “Can you please get me a comb.”)
I’ve had this thought in my head for a long time, (the one about insanity, not the one about the comb…) but just like many cliches aka “Everything Happens for a Reason” we “believe” them, but for other people. Why would you believe in “Everything Happens for a Reason” and then still worry about things when they don’t go the way you want them to go? Why would we believe Mr. Einstein, but continue to do the same things over and over and expect something different to happen? Why are we so feeble?
Here’s the thing….I have a weight issue. It’s kinda serious. I mean, I was diagnosed with Heart Disease at age 32, so….that ain’t good. (I will say I can thank genetics for part of my disease as well, it’s not JUST because I have been chubby since 1986.)
I have about 100 pounds to lose. I mean, I don’t really know how much I should weigh at the end, but this is what I think. But maybe I’ll lose 75 or 55 and feel good there, I don’t know yet.
As of March 1, yesterday, I have committed to a 90 Day Challenge. (This is a challenge that I developed for myself, not something that is a NY Times Best-Seller.) It’s a wellness challenge, not a diet challenge. It’s a 3 month, “I like to have a chart and put stickers on it when I do good” challenge. I have done this before. I lost about 65 pounds in 2012 and a chart played a vital role. (I love stickers so much.) (See below.) So….I am “doing the same thing” here. BUT…I have a new mindset on how to do it. (Since I’ve gained back about 40 pounds of that 65 since…so obviously the chart can only do so much…)
Best. Chart. Ever.
In my life, I have done close to every diet plan known to man. I have done the shakes, the pills, the Points, the horrible pre-packaged foods, the Deal-A-Meal, the South Beach, the Atkins, that’s all I can think of right now, but there’s probably more. Anyways, I’ve tried everything to figure out what I have to do to lose weight and not gain it back. And, I haven’t figured it out yet. Because I know that “diets” are stupid. It’s funny that I once thought that eating Beef Stew that can sit in a can in your pantry for up to 3 years was the way to go. Sorry Jenny Craig.
There’s so many schools of thought out there on what’s the best way to lose weight, it’s so complicated. I believe I know what is best for me….low carbs, low sugar to name a couple methods…but I’m still learning what I need to do to sustain. I can’t try to be perfect anymore. That didn’t work.
About a month ago, I bought a used copy of “Twelve Steps for Overeaters”. It’s an “Interpretation of the 12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous” and it has sat on my bedside table until this morning. Since I started this new Challenge yesterday, I really want to be gung-ho about doing everything I can to figure this problem out. I haven’t gotten that far in the book yet, but it’s crazy how much I can relate to in it. The sneak eating, the ability to eat large quantities of food and still feel “hungry”, the denial. I’ll keep you up to date in future blogs about what this book has got to say.
In general, I eat well. I truly do. I don’t eat fast food, I don’t eat a lot of carbs or sugar. I don’t eat artificial sweeteners. I eat mostly organic, locally sourced food. I eat well. For the most part. But when I “go off”, I “GO OFF.” I can’t make cookies anymore. Because I can’t handle them just sitting in there, waiting. I’ll be sitting on the couch and they’re literally yelling to me. They’re super pushy. They have a Bronx accent. They’re like, “Yo ABBE!!! Get ova hea!!! WHAT?? Am I just supposed to sit hea??” And I, of course, need to shut them up. By eating them. All. So, unless it’s like bake and leave the house, I no longer bake, anything.
I’ve said this in other blogs, the word “moderation” isn’t a word that resides in my brain. I’ve pretty much stopped drinking because of this. I’m either sober or blacked out. These are seemingly my choices when I drink.
It cracks me up, when people that I know say things like, “Just have a couple drinks” or “Just have one cookie” like this is something I’ve never thought of. “OHHHH….I don’t HAVE to drink the entire bottle??” “I don’t HAVE to eat one quarter of the raw cookie dough and then eat ALL the baked cookies within one hour??? OHHHH. Thanks for letting me know!”
Have I demonstrated the practice of moderation in my life, yes. I have had two drinks and stopped. I have had one cookie and stopped. I have said no to birthday cake. I really have. But, too many times, I haven’t.
So, the Al Einstein quote I opened with, about how I am going to use this Challenge to really shake things up and do stuff different this time…I am going to, if it kills me. I’ve already made one huge change that was tough, I have weighed myself on W.I.W (Weigh-In Wednesday) every week for ten+ years and I have decided to even change that….to W.I.S. (Weigh-In Saturday)…See? I’m already changing!
I am going to get to the bottom of why I haven’t been able to make these permanent changes in my life. I am going to find the balance that I so desperately want and need, that I haven’t been able to achieve in my 37 years (I mean, I’m sure I knew balance as an infant, I mean, I haven’t heard my Mum say that I used to binge on breast milk or hide some in my bedside table drawer)…so, maybe let’s say in the last 27 years maybe. This isn’t about dieting anymore. This is about changing my life. Making changes that I can sustain for the rest of my life and maybe even learning how to speak with a Bronx accent so I can yell back at those cookies and bake once more.
What I have read so far in this book about Anonymous Overeaters is that honesty is indeed the best policy when you are finally ready to figure out what the hell is wrong with you. So that’s kinda why I wrote this blog. I don’t care who knows that I have a problem with food. Ummm…I’m sure people who know me or have seen me in person or even in pictures have possibly guessed…I’m not wearing a fat suit people.
On a side-note, you know what’s SO fun?? Having your super healthy and thin boyfriend take all your body measurements. Calipers are awesome.
(This isn’t how they work, by the way…)
I’m going to chronicle this 90 Day Challenge journey with you. I think it’ll still be in the “funny” theme of Too Funny Chicks. Because, like ALL of life’s challenges and struggles, it’s STILL pretty funny. What are we gonna do? Cry? Be sad about the things that suck in life? No. That’s lame. Let’s take things with some seriousness to resolve the issues, but laugh at them at the same time. You know?
Okay…gotta go make a lettuce and water shake with some lemon juice and cayenne pepper. Yum! Just kidding. You were getting SO mad, weren’t you?? Thanks for caring.
Going from Fat to Phat,