This is the Audrey Hepburn calendar that I MUST wink at and count to five before I look down to see what the Devil Himself (aka my scale) has to say.
Today is the twelfth day of my self-imposed and self-created 90 Day “Healthier Me” Challenge. I’ve deemed it the, “You Better Work B*%ch Challenge” if you remember from my post on March 2, you can read it here if you haven’t yet.
I meant to write this recap piece on Saturday, make it like a regular post every Saturday, but I was too busy. And when I say “busy”, I mean busy crying and being angry at the world. Keep reading…
The first week I was super motivated. Back on track. Feelin’ good. Nothing can stop me now. Bustin’ a move…all that jazz… (Those were like all song titles by the way….)
March 8th, the first W.I.S. (Weigh-In Saturday) I got on the scale, big as life, KNOWING I was headed for some sort of celebratory dance in a few seconds….get on the scale, wink at my Audrey Hepburn calendar in front of me on the wall as is customary and count to 5 and then look down. SAME. EXACT. WEIGHT. Not one ounce has evacuated my body. My weight was like, “We really like it here, it’s cozy and warm and we don’t feel like going anywhere…yaaaawwwwnnnn….”
So, as would any rational, good attitude having, adult woman in my position would do, I get back into bed and cry for oh….about 30 minutes. Stable, right?
My bf offers up his kindest comments, knowing that this is NOT the time for his health obsessed comments about what I should do/should have done/not done…but instead thinks he’s being nice by saying, “You’re working out and lifting weights, you’re just gaining muscle!” OH MY GOD. If I hear someone say that to me one more bloody time, I’m going to go all Kanye West on the Paparazzi on their ass. I don’t even care if this is true. I don’t. I have 100 EL BEES to lose! I don’t want them taking their sweet time disembarking from my “problem areas” (aka my entire body)…
I get this sense of entitlement like, “With what I did this week, how I ate, tracked, worked out, sacrificed, I DESERVE to have lost at least 3 pounds. AT LEAST!!! LIFE ISN’T FAIR!!!! I’M A VICTIM!!! It wasn’t pretty my friends, not….pretty…
So, here we are, it’s Wednesday today. I’ve continued to be very motivated since my “episode” on Saturday. People tell me, “Don’t give up.” I can’t imagine “giving up”….like, what? Not caring about eating Double Stuf Oreos for breakfast? Not trying to lose weight at all?? I can’t imagine it. It’s been the majority of my life trying to lose weight. I don’t know any other way.
About two, two and a half days and I’ll be facing that wall again, winking at my Audrey and praying to Jesus Christ, Allah, Buddah and Elvis that I lose at least….something….just something…..please???!
Hoping to write my Week 2 recap on Saturday because I’ll have more time because I don’t have to cry and lament about my weight loss all day. I’ll only be crying from joy….
Heart you,
-Chick A
Too Funny Chicks 