F You Easter Bunny. And Santa.

f u easter bunny

Spring in New England is finally here.  The snow is gone, the birds are chirping, kids are playing outside again.  Such a great time to be alive.

That’s what most people are thinking anyway.  And I am too, for the most part.  But then there’s the part of me that’s also thinking “Ugh.  It’s almost Easter.  Time to pony up more money for more toys my kids will never play with.”

Are kids today more spoiled than we were when we were kids?  Or is that just my perception?  I feel like my kids get a “treat” every time we go to Target.  Or the mall.  Or the grocery store.  Or wake up.  It’s insanity at its finest.  When I was a kid I got presents on Christmas and my birthday.  And a few small things on Valentine’s Day and Easter.  Mostly candy.  I’m not saying I never got anything else, because I did.  I was spoiled, relatively speaking, but now that I have kids of my own, holy shit.  The level to which they are spoiled is incomprehensible.

Christmas is the biggie, of course.  We get these kids all jazzed up about this fat guy who sneaks into the house on Christmas Eve, eats free food, and leaves presents.  Presents that were paid for by MOM AND DAD.  F that noise Santa.  The jig is up.  Why does Santa get to look like the good guy?  I’m the one who spent countless hours shopping (which we all know I HATE doing!) and spent millions of dollars on (not really).  Also I don’t really hate shopping.  I love it.  Really, really love it.

Then there’s the damn Easter Bunny.  He comes hopping along, also sneaks into the house, and leaves presents too.  Honest to God I’m going to install an alarm system and tell the kids that Santa and the Bunny were too scared to enter.  Mother of the year, right here.  This guy gets all the credit too and again, I’m left doing the shopping and spending.

I learned this year that on St. Patrick’s day, in some evil houses, a Leprechaun comes and leaves presents.  What the hell people?  Listen, my kids are getting enough presents on a daily basis without adding this evil creature to the mix.  I found this out the hard way this year, when Grace came home from school all upset wondering why the Leprechaun hadn’t visited our house.  “Well Sweetie, I told the Leprechaun that if he stopped by with any more crap that we didn’t need, I was going to kick his ass.”  Just look at this guy.  Don’t tell me he doesn’t have it coming.  So creepy.

evil leprechaun

I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer.  I am so happy my name isn’t Debbie.  I know some Debbies and they certainly aren’t downers.  I love watching how excited the kids get at holidays.  I feed right into it.  I just want the credit dammit!  Is that too much to ask?

This picture is hilarious.  Seriously though, stop leaving Santa those cookies kids, or this is where he’ll wind up.

dead santa

I’m off to take a second mortgage on my house so that I can really do it up for 4th of July.  The Firework Fairy is coming and Grace has requested a Barbie Dream House.

-Chick E


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