Resume Tips From Chick E (Warning: Tips May Not Actually Be Useful)

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I am hoping that this will be a helpful blog to at least one person out there, because let’s be honest, a resume makes or breaks you when applying for a job.  Crappy resume = no interview.  That’s a fact people.

I will add this disclaimer:  I have no professional resume writing experience.  I’m not even sure that is a thing, “professional resume writing experience”.  I am just a girl, who sometimes has to hire people, who has seen a lot of crappy resumes.

Let’s start with this.  The definition of resume is as follows: a brief account of a person’s education, qualifications, and previous experience, typically sent with a job application.

Now that we’re all up to speed, let me begin.  You’re welcome in advance.

  • This is probably the #1 thing to take from this blog: Relevant Info Only.  If you are applying for a job in IT, tell me why this would ever appear on your resume (this is a true story, I honestly saw this on a resume for a Helpdesk job):  Bagger, Stop & Shop. For job continuity?  Maybe.  In this case it wasn’t.  It was the first job on the resume from 2000.  Let that one drop buddy.  What was even better was the description.  “Bagged Groceries”.  Really?  That’s what that means?  Got it.  Thanks for the clarification.
  • A resume should be one page, maybe two if necessary, hence the word “brief” in the definition.  Anything after two pages and people have lost interest.  No one cares where you worked in 1974.  Fact.
  • Please, for the love of God, do not put a picture on your resume.  This has become sort of trendy and is so strange to me.  I don’t know…maybe other people like this.  I do not.  It is beyond creepy to me, to see your little head staring at me while I’m reading your extremely long and irrelevant list of skills.
  • Use a professional sounding email address.  I get that you don’t want to use your work email address, but if your personal email address is supercatlady1234@mediacompany.com, it’s a little hard to take you seriously.
  • Pick a standard, appealing, legible font.  This should be obvious but for some reason is not.  Your resume should not look like a page out of a comic book.
  • Do not include personal information.  I have honestly seen resumes before that include things like hobbies.  I do not need to know that you love camping.  It helps me none.  In fact I may now want to hire you less.  See why here.
  • Don’t include references.  Those should always be “available upon request”.  Remember, one pagers are best so this just eats up valuable real estate.
  • To that effect, eliminate the “Objective” as well.  I think we all get it.  Your “objective” is to get the job you are applying for.  Right??  Totally unnecessary.  Unless that’s not your objective.  I would love to see a resume where the objective reads something like: “To steal as many Post-It Notes as humanly possible without getting fired”.  I would hire that person.  In fact, I revise this entire bullet point.  Do include an objective, a hilariously memorable one.  That would be amazing.
  • Speaking of bullet points, bullet points only, no paragraphs.  Humans have stupidly short attention spans these days.  We cannot process paragraphs.  It’s why no one reads books anymore.  We read witty blogs written by cute girls.

 

The Chicks’ Dream Resume…(the blogger, not the booger)
blogger

There you go friends.  My spin on building the perfect resume.  If you land yourself a job, consider it because of me.  🙂

-Chick E

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2 responses to “Resume Tips From Chick E (Warning: Tips May Not Actually Be Useful)

  1. I think your next post should be about cover letters. I’ve seen some doozies in my day. One person wrote just a one line letter with no greeting, so salutation and his name, email etc was not even listed anywhere! How could we tell whose letter it was??? Ridic!! It said something like, I want this job. Really?? Whoaaaa.

    Like

  2. This is your best blog ever. I actually have so many good things to say about it, but I have to accommodate our stupidly short attention spans, by keeping this bullet point length, so I’ll stop now.

    Like

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