Why I’m Mad at the Duggars.

Yesterday morning, as I was eating my breakfast, catching up on the most vital news in America and Internationally on People.com, I read an article about one of the Duggar kids (TLC’s show “19 Kids and Counting”) getting married.

I am not really that judgmental of a person…do whatever you want to do to be happy in this life. The fact that they have 19 kids and are still counting and the fact that their kids can barely blink at their perspective spouse prior to committing to that person for all eternity is their choice, whatever “floats” your boat, as they say. (This pun will make more sense later…) It doesn’t affect me, nor should it affect anyone else who it doesn’t affect. You know? But there was one thing that DID make me make a “What tha???” face while reading this article. It just made me so confused, bewildered even. Almost angered, I’ll admit.

The article stated that there were 1,000 guests. Right? Then it mentioned some of the preparations for the very large wedding with this quote: “Part of that job included making more than 600 cupcakes, 3,000 chocolate-chip cookies and 3,000 root-beer floats for guests to enjoy.”

Okay, I get the 600 cupcakes. Not everyone wants a cupcake. I can even understand 3,000 cookies for 1,000 people. Three cookies each. Maybe one person has 12 cookies. Maybe 4 people have none. (Is that math right?) Maybe they’re really tiny cookies. Bite-sized. But, this next one truly bothered me. 3,000 root-beer floats???? For 1,000 people??? What in the world??

They figured each person would have 3 Root-Beer Floats EACH?? Listen, I’m a fan of a Root-Beer Float, I’m sure most people are, so maybe each guest is having ONE root-beer float, but I doubt it. I’m sure out of those 1,000 people that came to the wedding, that some do not like Root-Beer Floats, maybe some are lactose intolerant, some may look down on drinking soda, I’m sure some came to the wedding full already from a large breakfast, I guarantee some are trying to watch their waist lines…and are trying to make healthy choices.

The averages on this are ridiculous. Are some people having a half-dozen root beer floats?? 3,000 ROOT-BEER FLOATS??? I mean, if this was a wedding of someone that I knew and you had said “3,000 beers were served…” I wouldn’t have questioned it, just kept on reading, but 3,000 Root-Beer Floats for 1,000 people??

They’re good, but not 3 per person good.

The logistics alone of this feat are mind-blowing. The scooping, the pouring, the keeping the vanilla ice cream frozen, you don’t want the ice cream to melt entirely before someone eats it. Were they making them “as needed” or just setting out 3,000 Root-Beer Floats on a table for people to pick up as they desired? You know how many people it would take to assemble these? One person can’t scoop 3,000 scoops of ice cream. It’s not as easy at it looks. I used to scoop hard ice cream in my day and it hurts after about 5 scoops. Read about that here. (And then read the 4 other installments that make up my lifelong resume. #1. #2. #3. #4. #5.  This is a true story…there really are 5 installments of my lifelong resume…)

Back to the Root-Beer Floats…

Something as crazy as this story will bug me for many days…I swear. So, if any of the Duggars are reading this, which I kinda feel like they won’t be, could you explain this to me? 3,000 Root-Beer Floats for 1,000 people?? It makes no sense! It’s preposterous! Were all 3,000 enjoyed by guests?? There HAD to have been extra. Probably A LOT of extra. Please let me know. I gotta know!!

This is how my brain works….scary, right?

Heart you,

-Chick A

P.S. Go read the 2nd paragraph again so you can laugh at my hilarious pun.