If Chick A Wins the Lottery, Just Act Cool!

It’s something we all dream of. Countless hours spent deciding how, on who, in what ways, to what degree, where, when, under who’s guidance, on what….to spend our winnings from the lottery that we inevitably someday WILL win.

I guess I shouldn’t say it’s something we ALL dream of…I have met a few people who have said they would NOT like to win the lottery. In my opinion, the reasons that they give are somewhat valid…but not valid enough that I would ever, ever say that I would NOT want to win the lottery.

Daydreaming about winning the lottery might be one of my favorite past times. I’m pretty reality-based to know that the chances are extremely low…you know all those things they say about “You’re more likely to die in a plane crash”…Click Here to read a whole article about all the things that are more likely to happen to you than winning the lottery…ugh….so depressing…I literally have more chance of having a vending machine fall on me than winning the lottery…ugh…but, I am pretty clumsy, so having a vending machine fall on me doesn’t sound totally out of the question, so I feel like there’s still a chance.

No matter the odds, I’m still going to daydream about it, I don’t care because…nobody, no, nobody is…gonna…..rain…..on…..MYYYY…..PARADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I’ll reenact this with my winnings, I don’t know.

So, after careful planning and consideration, here’s what I’d do…

(I have to preface this with this…how much did I win? The circumstances drastically change between winning 50k or 50 million…you know? So, for this stories sake, I’m gonna say that I won 25 million dollars, take home. After taxes. Okay?)

* First off, don’t have a heart attack. Been there. Done that.

* Secondly, don’t tell almost anyone. The more people who know, the less you can get your ducks in a row. Or your bucks in a row, shall we say?  You’ve got to find a trusted financial adviser and figure out the smartest way to deal with your new-found riches. (Mr. Chick R, this is you, for me…thanks.)

* Figure out how you are going to tell the people who you trust and love the most because, guess what? They 100% won’t believe you.

* Don’t go out the next day and buy crazy stuff. Act cool.

Okay, so enough with the wet blanket stuff. This is what I would do with the money once I had gotten my bucks in a row…

* Buy a very large house on the ocean. In Maine. With my own beachfront. With a dock and a “boat” (aka yacht) (with a yacht driver).  This house would be located far away from everything yet close to everything. It wouldn’t be insane, like some celebrity house that has 27 bedrooms. I mean, really? Who is sleeping at your house Jerry Seinfeld??? Every stand-up comedian you’ve EVER met??

* Yes, I would quit my job. (Sorry, job.) (I once had a boss that asked me, “If you won the lottery, would you still work here??” And of course, I said, “Absolutely not” and he was STUNNED. He couldn’t believe it. I said, if you were an Administrative Assistant, you’d quit too! It’s weird to me if people wouldn’t quit their jobs. I mean, if you have a job that you’re really passionate about, I guess I kinda get it…listen…I’d still work…work on my tan, work on becoming friends with Drew Barrymore, Beyonce and Cameron Diaz, (I really feel like we’d all really get along…), work on having the most fun any person has ever had. People then say, “You’d get bored!” Ummm….nope. I wouldn’t. I know me. I totally wouldn’t. And if I did…do you think I’d rather file stuff??? No.

* I’d help out the people who I love. I don’t think I’d give anyone just a lump sum of money. I don’t think that’s a good idea, but I’d say, pay off mortgages for people, buy them a new car, pay off bills, pay for them to travel with me, buy them awesome gifts. You know, for the people who are closest to me in my life and who don’t go insane after they learn that I’m a bagillionaire.

(I’ve heard stories about how people have lost friends and family members because of winning the lottery and because people got all greedy and angry. This is one of the reasons I’ve heard people say that they wouldn’t want to win the lottery. I say, it’s an amazingly great weeding out process. If you’re stupid enough to lose your mind and try to demand things from me or use me to get money, I’m gonna say a big ole sayonara, sweetheart. So…if you know me well and we’re close, act cool if I win the lottery, okay? Don’t worry!! I’ll take care of you!)

* I’d buy the Nubble Lighthouse for my parents….it’s a Maine icon and a family favorite.

And probably a house for them in Florida somewhere, probably Fort Myers….

* My sisters, cousins, GW Girls and other besties also need houses on the ocean and extremely expensive purses.

* Chick E needs a shoe closet as big as her current home, a full time housekeeper and that Super Nanny from London so that she can have more time to hang out with me and have time to write more blogs.

* When I went out to eat, I’d leave ridiculously large tips.

* I’d figure out what charities were doing the best work and needed money the most and give to them, of course. (I’ve heard of so many charities that have CEO’s that make money like they won the lottery, so…that’s not one I’d give to…) I’d back up Bob Barker on his crusade to have all pets spayed or neutered….and help to find homes for all dogs that needed them. Isn’t it funny that Bob LOVES animals and his last name is Bark-er?

* I’d have an Assistant. I don’t even know what this person would do for me, but I’d figure it out. Everything I didn’t want to do in life. Like wrap gifts, get my oil changed and weed my garden. Wait, maybe a gardener would do that. Yeah, definitely have a gardener because I love gardens and gorgeous flowers and trees and landscaping, but I don’t really love doing it.

* I’d continue to write this blog, because I love it. But, I’d do it from more exciting places than my dining room table. Like one of those bungalows in the water in Bora Bora.

My Office.

* I’d keep my current house and use it for a house for people that needed transitional housing…and some help financially till they got back on their feet. I know it sounds so kind of me, but it’s really just selfish, because I really don’t want to sell my little house.

* I’d hire my current Wellness Coach to just be my personal Coach. Like, I’d be Oprah and she’d be Bob Greene. And we’ll write a self-help book together and get even richer!!

* I’d buy my step-daughter horses and have stables. And hire a person that knew anything about horses and having a stable.

* I’d build a karting track for my step-son and my BF. And, I’d decorate it (is that what you’d say, decorate?) to look like the race track at Monaco. (I mean, I wouldn’t build it. I’d pay Jenson Button to do it…)

See that HUGE Yacht? That’s mine.

Let the arguments between Nascar and Formula 1 begin!!!!!!

* I’d build my Scottish in-laws a house in Maine on our very large property that would be an exact replica of their house in Scotland, so when they came to visit, they’d feel at home.

This isn’t EXACTLY like their house…

This post could go on and on about every thing I would and wouldn’t do. I know with each asterisk, I lose 5 readers, so I’ll stop…

So listen, go down there to the comments section and let me know what you’d do. And, are you one of those people who do not want to win the lottery? Let me know.

Here’s to dreaming…and to realistically planning for the inevitable.

-Chick A


2 responses to “If Chick A Wins the Lottery, Just Act Cool!

  1. Mr Chick R is up for the job (I heard he’s looking for a new one) – that you outlined above for him. Also, I don’t think you can ‘buy’ the Nubble. Sorry.


    • Awesome. I’ll let him know as soon as the job opens. I’m thinking it’ll be soon.

      Oh, I can buy the Nubble. Sadly, I am a firm believer that anything can be bought. 🙂


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