Alleged Candy and Faded Calluses.

So…I’m sure you’re all wondering, “Where’s Chick A at in her never-ending weight loss battle?” Oh….you weren’t wondering that?? Oh. Well, I’ll still tell you, don’t worry.

Well, let’s start off by saying that “Halloween”….wasn’t the most successful of times in my “say no to sugar” personal campaign. I like to use erroneous quotes sometimes, as if Halloween was alleged. It should be alleged. Ugh.

F’ing Halloween. You know? It’s like, the meanest holiday. It’s like, “Oh…here’s a crap ton of free candy!” Yes, I know. It’s candy for the kids. I get it. But, it’s like 200 pieces of candy….and when you have step-children they’re only here 50% of the time. That means that there’s A LOT of candy sitting in my house, just waiting. Waiting. Candy that’s feeling sad and alone and unwanted.

Candy is so manipulative. I’d be sitting on the couch, minding my own business….and I’d hear…Hey! HEY!!!!!!! HEYYYY!!!!!! We’re just sitting here!! Just have ONE! You can have one! Or maybe just two. Maybe a chocolate thing and a fruity thing. Even it out. A Starburst and a Peanut Butter Cup. One of each. And just one tiny Tootsie Roll. So like, two and a half things.

This is literally what the candy is saying.

Mind you, I’m not JUST stealing the kids candy, I have all this leftover candy that I bought for the trick-or-treaters.I don’t want you to think that I am a wicked step-Mother who steals all her kids candy. Some of it. Not ALL of it.

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Maybe I should bring it into work and have the people there eat it? Yeah, well, then I have an office of my own and zero witnesses to my candy-palooza. People don’t come and eat it fast enough.

Maybe I should just give it away? But, I like to have a sweet once in a while. I’ll just learn some self-control and have one piece, twice a week. Then, 2 hours later, I’m having to take Ibuprofen because I’ve got a raging sugar headache and I also stubbed my toe on the stairs while trying to really hide the 14 candy wrappers in the trash can. Not cool, Chick A. Not cool.

As for the working out…let’s just say that with the time change, it’s a whole lot darker at 5:40 AM. I don’t know, I hate being cold. Who’s with me? And I had bronchitis for 2 weeks in the beginning of October, so…my consistency hasn’t been up to par. My calluses on the palms of my hands faded there for a while, but I’m happy to report that they are starting to come back. Did some bench pressing and dead lifting the other day, squatted my butt off, so much that when I would try to get up from my desk at work to get something for someone, I would walk like a chimpanzee and have to explain to them why I was walking like such a weirdo. “A lot of squats”, I’d say. Some people would be like, “Yep, that’ll do it..” Some people more-so gave me a face like, “You’re weird for telling me that..and what are squats?”

I ellipticalled like a fool today. I have video proof that I sent to my Coach. She was happy with me. Although, at one point in my workout today, I stopped pedaling or striding or whatever it’s called when you’re on an elliptical for one second, because I had to take a close look at something on my phone and the timer/counter stopped! Oh my God, that almost derailed me. I can’t NOT have metrics. I can’t NOT have a number that I reached. I wanted to know my total number of strides, the time it took to get there etc. And now, for this workout, I’d never know…so, I just had to do some guessing. And, when it comes to me and metrics, I do not like “guessing”…(See? The guessing is alleged…)

So, one day at a time, right? I haven’t had any candy today…I hit my 10,000 steps about an hour ago, I even did 30 goblet squats after I got off the elliptical. So…pretty banner day in the life of this loser. I mean that like, “loser” like I am “losing” weight, so I’m a “loser”….get it?

Wait. What?? What’s that?? Shhh…I hear something. Hold on…..

Ugh.

SHUT UP 3 Musketeers Bars!!! Go Snicker at some other Airhead.

(See what I did there?)

Thanks for being curious about how my weight loss efforts were going. You’re so thoughtful and kind. Oh. That’s right. You weren’t wondering. I’ll just pretend you were.

I heart you, you caring bastard. 😉

-Chick A

 

P.S. If you want to see the video that I took of myself on the elliptical today to send to my Coach, check us out (and LIKE us) at http://www.facebook.com/toofunnychicks

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