Confidence. Self-Esteem. Loving who you are. Being Awesome.
I’ve done a lot of thinking about these words in my life. You’re always hearing about them on television and in magazines. That you SHOULD have these things. “Have confidence!” “Love yourself” “Be Confident!”…the mantras that are spouted from sea to shining sea. But sometimes, I wonder…is this truly how “they” think we should be. I can only speak for myself…and in a tinier, broader spectrum, women. But sometimes I question if these traits are something that society as a whole can swallow. For ALL of the population.
I am a 38-year-old woman. I am what society would deem “plus-size” or “overweight” or “fat”. I don’t want to be these things, because I want to be as healthy as I can be and live a long time, and more importantly, have more fashion options. Refer to: How About I Just Wear This Curtain. But, there is absolutely a stigma that goes along with being someone of my size and being a woman. I am lazy, not feminine, not hot (unless you have some weird fetish), not confident, a wannabe skinny girl. But, I’m not any of these things. I WISH I was lazy. Ugh. I have no clue how to relax. Not feminine? My idol is Audrey Hepburn, need I say more? And, I don’t want to be a “skinny girl”, I want to be a strong girl.
I feel like most people would think that I have low self-esteem. That I don’t or actually shouldn’t have much confidence…that I do not love who I am. Mostly based on what I look like. I know this for a fact. People have literally questioned, “Why does SHE think she can be SO confident?”
Little do they know how confident I truly am…Uh, I sometimes wonder if like Beyoncé, I have a big Ego…sorry. #notsorry
I have been known to frequently:
* Wink at myself in the mirror when leaving the house.
* Say out loud, “I look so cute.” or “I’m awesome.”
* Make comments about how much I love my legs and my….cough, cough…ladies. They’re ladies. Not girls. They’re very classy.
I have a lot of confidence. I know that I am attractive and of course, more importantly, I know that I am a good person and am kind to others and have an effervescent personality. Do I have issues? No. Haha. Just kidding. OF COURSE I DO. I have a lot! Just ask my therapist! 😉 But, I accept that I do. I routinely try to deal with some of them that I’d like to change and to some of them, I just embrace them. I love you, OCD. I love you, hyper-sensitivity and over-emotionalness. (I also love making up words.) Maybe there is one person out there that doesn’t think that I’m cute or awesome, I can’t imagine it, but I bet there could be…but I don’t care. They’re just wrong. People are entitled to be wrong. You know what I’m sayin’? (But the secret behind that one person who doesn’t think I’m cute or awesome is that…I bet they secretly think I am, but just are kind of miserable inside and want to act confident and cool too, but they’re just too sad inside and don’t have the tools, so instead of saying, “Good for her” they say, “What a stupid, ugly, fat a-hole.” And to that, I just laugh. Out loud. I lol. I lol so hard.)
And it’s funny, to some reading this, all that’s running through their brains is, “Egomaniac”, “Self-Absorbed”, “Diluted to think she’s attractive when she’s not a size negative 6.” People get SO mad about other people having confidence, especially when they believe that they are not worthy to have it. Even if they are deemed to be considered “beautiful”, “hot”, “gorgeous”…they are still looked down on for saying so. That they are arrogant or superficial or have huge egos. GOOD FOR THEM! I say. Good. For. Them. Society can’t say, “Love Yourself! “Be Confident!” and then when you do…they say, “Don’t be so egotistical!” “You’re not THAT great!” Ugh. Society is so fickle and always sending mixed messages.
Yeah, Beyoncé is hot and she knows it. We all know it. It’s just a fact now. It’s no longer an opinion. Deal.
I had been planning to write a post about this topic for a while. I think it’s an important thing to talk about. But what spurred me to put fingers to keyboard? Two things: Kim Kardashian’s Paper Magazine Cover and the song, “Try” by Colbie Caillat. (SO YOU KNOW: The Kim K link is for mature audiences only.)
When I turned on the television last night, almost every channel was talking about Kim K’s butt. She had done a photo shoot for a magazine in which she had exposed her very famous posterior. (And other things inside the magazine…) And, of course, people were OUTRAGED! Even other celebs were Tweetering about how upset they were (aka how judgey they were). I know, people have very strong feelings about disliking the Kardashians, I know. I have been known to defend them before. But, to me, all I hear is people being judgmental and honestly, being haters. Who cares what she wants to do?? This is her journey on this planet. I’m sure that little North West isn’t going to have a horrific life because her Mother’s shiny buttocks was on a cover of a magazine. Why can’t we look at it like, maybe North will grow strong in confidence because her mother had so much? Just because Kim made a human she’s supposed to all the sudden be a different person? And finally, it’s just a butt! It’s just skin and muscle and bones…(Are there bones in butts? I don’t know, I’m not a doctor…) Everyone needs to just get over it. I say, send out a Universal, “You Go Girl”, applaud her on her confidence and move forward with your life. Because, you choosing to berate her and use words like “whore” and “horrible mother”, honestly, in my eyes, just make you look…sad. Concentrate on your own journey…and be careful, your soapbox of judgement might cave in.
The other catalyst for this post was the song, “Try” by Colbie Caillat. Watch the video before you read on, okay? Thanks.
I really like this song. I don’t 100% agree with it, but I think the message that she’s trying to convey is pretty great. “You don’t have to try so hard, you don’t have to bend until you break…” Great line. I agree…you absolutely don’t have to try SO hard for others to like you. You have to like who you are first. Do what makes you happy as long as it’s not physically hurting others. When you can reach this point, of liking who you are and not caring what anyone else thinks, it’s an incredibly freeing experience. You’re life will be better. I promise. However, in the video, there are all these gorgeous women who throughout the video remove make-up and hair extensions and don’t straighten their hair and don’t wear lipstick. (And are still gorgeous after all this…) My thought on this is….I don’t believe that “It’s what’s on the inside that matters” is 100% accurate.
In college, when I began to wear clothes that fit me, that weren’t from the men’s department at Sears, when I started to brush my hair, to wear earrings, to put on some blush and lip gloss, to consider my footwear, I began this process of having confidence. Maybe at first, I was doing these things to gain acceptance from others, but ultimately I was gaining acceptance from myself. I started the journey of loving who I was. Caring about what you look like on the outside, to me, is a vital step in having confidence. So, no, I don’t agree that you should just care about your insides and say screw to what you look like to others because it does matter. Your appearance does positively contribute to how you feel on the inside. However old you may be, however many pounds you weigh, no matter your financial status, you can stand with pride in presenting who you are, inside and out. And just to add to the cheese factor of this post, you know what makes ANY outfit the best? It’s like Little Orphan Annie said, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile!” 😉
Here’s the thing…to those that do not have confidence or want to have more confidence. I believe these are some helpful tips on how to feel awesomer… 🙂
1. Fake it.
I think that if you feign confidence for a time period, it will grow inside you for real. Next time you go to the grocery store, put on a cute outfit, put some lipstick on and walk around that place like you’re a hot, f’ing celebrity. It might be tough to do, but try it. Own it. You better work it, gurl….
2. Just think to yourself, “I’m awesome.”
Listen, maybe you’re not awesome. Maybe you know deep down that you are miserable and are mean and immature and selfish and aren’t a “nice” person…but you fight against those facts by…..acting in all those ways. Does that make sense? Because you feel and project all these things, people will think these things of you and then you’re mad because people think these things of you, but how else are they supposed to think, this is what you’ve shown them. So, if this is the case…work on yourself. Read some self-help books. See a therapist. Figure out what you’re so sad about inside. Because, the anger show, my friends, is just an easier show to put on than the sad show.
This kinda runs the same line as “Fake It”, but in this case, you just need to think about how you can be more confident. What do you do that portrays low self-esteem? How’s your posture? Do you smile at strangers, say hello? Do you make eye contact with people when you talk to them? Do you speak with assertiveness and knowledge? Do you ask questions when you need to? Do you look internally and be thoughtful about why you do the things you do and not blame others for your issues? Do you take responsibility for yourself, your life? Do you read about how to be more confident? Do you praise others (even silently) for being who THEY are, for THEIR confidence? (cough, cough, when you saw that pic of Kim K??) If you answered no to any of these, practice them. I believe in you. 🙂
I’m sure there are so many more items that I could talk about to help you to achieve true self-confidence.
And I know what some of you are thinking, who am I to tell YOU how to be confident? How to love yourself? To tell you that you shouldn’t hate on the Kardashians? Well, I’m me. And…I’m awesome. 😉
Awesome Doesn’t Equal Perfect. It Just Equals Awesome. -Chick A
Heart you…but heart me more,