It’s that time of year again, time to reevaluate your life as a human being and get really pissed off about who you’ve become.
You’re fat, you’re lazy, your bed is your best friend, you’re borderline diabetic. Maybe you’re questioning if you have gout. None of it is good. So, you think, “Alright, THIS is it! THIS is MY Year!!” I’m gonna eat vegetables, I’m gonna drink water with lemon, I’m gonna work-out twice a day maybe three times, I’m gonna read more, floss, I’m going to live simply, laugh often and love much. Omg, those clichés. I don’t know if anything is more annoying…
But, let’s simmer it down a few notches okay? Has this worked in previous years? Let’s stop trying to be perfect…and start trying to be happy.
So, the month of December was a blur of chocolate covered peanut brittle, vodka, toast with butter and jelly, anything with the word “caramel” in it, my ass imprinted into my couch and many thoughts like, “This sweater didn’t used to be so form-fitting…” and “Why am I out of breath from opening a door?”
Is getting a clean slate like a new year good? Yes. But, let’s think about the long haul. Let’s think about April. Let’s think about next December for cripes sakes! No, no…let’s think about today. What good choices we’ll make today. TO-DAY.
This year, instead of promising to eat only green foods or not to ever drink again or vow to never eat so much sugar in one sitting that the room spins and I feel like I’m going to pass out, because you know what? I can’t make any promises. Do I want to be my best me, make the best choices all the time? Yes. Will I? No. I’m Chick A and I like to live by the seat of my size 20 pants, but just hopefully, get those pants off my couch more often and if those pants find an old M&M in between the cushions, those pants will not eat it…and get those pants down to like a 12! I mean, seriously, I’d be happy with a 12!
What I will say is this, I hope that you will follow my journey this year as I document more than I ever have about my weight-loss journey. Maybe, just maybe, if I force myself to tell you, my lovely, understanding and non-judgmental readers ALL that I think, all that I do and not do, all that I hate and all that I love about trying to FINALLY get to a place where I no longer have to decide which form of Spanx I’ll wear that day, no longer have to worry about whether or not I’ll fit on a roller coaster and hopefully get to a place where I can have more fashion options, maybe, just maybe, it’ll be the key. The key to this place I long to get to. I think it’s called “Abercrombie & Fitch”….
It won’t be a perfect ride. A lot of it will be awful, but a lot of it will be awesome. But, all of it will be funny, I’m sure…
And listen, if you’re currently fat and lazy too….chime in. What are you gonna do? To….not….be…..you know, fat and lazy?
Hearting you, you too New Year. Thanks for cleaning my new slate that I’m about to write all over….like graffiti, like maybe I’ll write, “BADASS” or “BURPEES ARE STUPID!…like in this crazy font, under a bridge, I don’t know, I haven’t thought it completely through yet….