I Don’t Know When To Hold ‘Em Or When To Fold ‘Em.

This weekend, I am taking my fella to Mohegan Sun Casino & Resort for his 35th Birthday.

I know that we will have a great time, but I will say that like most things in life, I am not the best at using moderation in most things that I do. I go big or go home. I eat too much, I drink too much, I’m awesome too much…and although I have only gone gambling a half dozen or so times in my life, I have yet to walk that fine line of moderation on the gambling scene as well. I don’t know why I ever go to casinos. They encompass all the issues I have. You go into a building that has no easily accessible exits and is loaded with food, alcohol, shopping and risking your money.

Here’s the thing, I just like having A LOT of fun. I don’t ever want the fun to stop. (aka “Things an addict says…”)

I’ve been listening to/watching some tutorials online about how to win at gambling. Like yesterday’s gem, “Roulette- How to win EVERY TIME!” I think I’ve got it down, this was the note I wrote to myself to remind me how to win….every time…”Put $10 on Red. Lose? Put $20 on Red.” That’s all I wrote. I think it has something to do with the odds of red coming up. Not sure though. Maybe I’ll stick to the slot machines.

When you walk into a casino, I believe it is the closest thing we will ever get to going to another planet. When you walk in, your eyes are wide and your senses are popping like Jiffy Pop. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. (Unless you’ve ever been to a casino…) The air is ripe with incredible highs of winning and devastating lows of loss. The bells are ringing, the dings are dinging, there are lights flashing and people cheering. So many of the people in there look like they haven’t slept in days, because guess what? They haven’t slept in days.

This is what everyone says, famous last words…”The trick is to walk away when you’re up“…”They”  also say, “Drink a glass of water in between each drink” and “Only eat when you’re hungry“…so, so much for those tips.

One time when I was at a casino, I tried to be really smart and only go in with $100 in cash and no plastic. This is another tip that “they” tell you. So, literally, in the matter of four minutes, I was out of money. I thought it was a penny slot machine, it was actually a dollar. I wasn’t happy. However, I hadn’t followed that other tip about drinking water between cocktails either, so I wasn’t in the best “mindset” to make “good” choices. Luckily…(shaking head no) I found ONE blank check in a little pocket of my bag. I do this for emergencies. So, obviously, me running out of money so quickly at the casino was deemed an “emergency”. Did you know that you can get cash at a casino by writing them a check? No? You can. And, I will say that at this time in my life, I wasn’t exactly rolling in the dough, so I probably shouldn’t even have been there in the first place. I think I had $150 in the bank. So, of course, I wrote a check to get $200 from the casino. Smart. I think that lasted me a good 18 minutes. And then I just did what “they” say and walked away….while I was….not…ahead…

Now, years later in life, I am considerably more responsible….and frugal….and smarter… and richer. Well, maybe not “considerably”, but definitely “more”. This weekend, I will go to that casino, with a set amount of money, spend it wisely and walk away ahead. And drink and eat moderately and responsibly.

Famous last words.

If you’re available to take a call from the Uncasville, Connecticut Police Department or Western Union this weekend, please comment below with your info.

Blow on my dice,

-Chick A

 

If you think I won’t be singing this all weekend, you’re wrong.

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