I adopted her in 2010, when I was a single lady, she was broken down, sad and needed what any depressed Chick needs, a makeover.
With the help of some amazingly generous friends and family members, and with my incredible eye for remodeling, design and the ability to dead lift 285 lbs, she became a true beauty. A lovely and comfortable oasis for my weary self back when things were different. Me, Sam and She were a family.
Then, about a year later, after the “reconciliation”, (maybe will write about that at another time), Mr. Chick A moved in with my now two incredible kids from anotha mutha. (doesn’t work as well as brutha) So, Sam, She and I opened our door and our arms to three people who helped to make my home our home. And with two small children, two bedrooms and one bathroom and 740 square feet we had plenty.
Current day. 4 years later. And it’s no longer “plenty”. I mean, is it plenty for survival? Yes. I don’t want to sound like that much of an a-hole. I’m grateful to have shelter, yes. But, I’m not grateful to have our living room be inches away from our only bathroom. Makes for some awkward moments. “Maybe if I just turn the faucet on….”
So, on the house hunt we go. For the last year. But only really strongly for the last 3-6 months. Each house with its question marks. Like:
- Who the hell chooses this paint color?
- What did they use this room for, why are their so many stripper poles?
- Do people really still use wallpaper? And if they do, they actually chose this one?? (The picture on the cover of this blog, with the blue wallpaper that matches the blue comforter, I saw something similar to this recently…not cool homeowner, not cool.)
- What is down those stairs??
- Why are there six twin beds in this bedroom?
- Does this bong come with the house?
You know, stuff like that.
When you are touring someone else’s house, you’re getting a sneak peek into other people’s worlds. Their odd taste in furniture, the toothpaste they use, all the work they must have put into stenciling Matthew 19:26 on their living room wall. You get to see how others live and how interesting/scary is that? You feel like you’re snooping, but you’re not, you’re trying to get a feel for the house, trying to see what you could put in that drawer in the bathroom, if the medicine cabinet could, in fact, hold whatever you need for it to hold…(“….wonder why that person needs to have that kind of ointment….yikes….”)
I haven’t done the best job at not just blurting out mean stuff while walking through these people’s homes. I’m working on it though because I try to think of myself and my lady miles away who I put my blood, sweat and tears into. (I don’t think there was actually blood…maybe a little sweat from walking to the store across the street to buy more beer, but definitely tears. I cried A LOT.) I try to think about when the time arrives in the near future and She sadly has a FOR SALE sign plunged into her front lawn and strange weirdos who do not appreciate all I’ve done, come in here and critique every detail with their harsh judgments about what I should and shouldn’t have done, why this refrigerator is smaller than everyone else’s in the world and why the counter tops haven’t been updated since 1952!!
Sorry, I’m having a tough time with this. I’m known to have issues with “letting go”…But seriously, who doesn’t like a charming and cozy beach cottage?? Ummm…idiots, that’s who.
So basically, when you’re house hunting, remember the person that loved that home. Maybe you hate their furniture and question their lifestyle choices and think they have the worst f’ing taste in decor you’ve EVER seen, but just keep that in your head. And, you can fix it. It’s just paint…and wallpaper…and I’m sure that you can paint over that religious stenciling.
To all you home searchers out there, I feel ya. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It’s tough finding the perfect home, in your price range and exactly where you want it to be and with all neutrally colored walls and incredible landscaping and an office that can be just for you and the blog writing you do. But, take a deep breath, try to enjoy the process and learning every road name in a 10 mile radius. And be grateful that you get to look for the house of your dreams…and it could come true. No, it will. When you’re ready and the right house, who desperately needs your love, walks into your life.
And to all of you who come to see my lovely and quaint beauty over here, I swear to God, you say ONE mean thing about her and you’re not getting this house. I’m bugging the entire place!!