I’ve recently been asked multiple times by multiple people, why I wasn’t blogging anymore. My answer is hard to say really, mostly I guess because our blog is called “Too Funny Chicks” and I feel like my explanation would be real Debbie Downer-ish and I haven’t really been able to follow our slogan lately, which is “Find the Funny in Everything“…so I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Because, lately, I have had a more difficult time finding the funny.
Since the fall, I have just been through a bunch a crazy stressful situations…one right on top of the other. You know, I hate being someone who is negative or ever comes across as a victim or like I think my problems are any worse than any one else’s out there. I know the challenges I have faced in the last few months and in my life are nothing compared to some in this world, however I also know that everything is relative and what I am going through is difficult and worthy of accepting that I am struggling.
Listen, like everyone’s, my life has had its fair share of ups and downs. Amazing family, friends, jobs that pay for homes and trips and fun times….and on the other side I’ve experienced divorce, the inability to have children of my own, being diagnosed with heart disease at 32 and having 4 stents, my sister battling cancer twice, my Mum having a double bypass, my Dad needing two stents, the selling of my first home which was tough for me, a move a few months ago and on the day we closed, learning that my Dad had stomach cancer. It’s just been a lot and there are other things too that I won’t get into. Again, I am so incredibly blessed in so many ways, I just took this last diagnosis of my Dad’s pretty hard. Like, haven’t we been through enough already??? I was extremely angry at the world. As the new reality has started to sink in of my Dad battling this bitch of a disease, the anger has become a little bit less, because I have faith that he will be okay, but the residue of all of these life challenges combined, has left me feeling a bit defeated and dealing with some incredible bouts of anxiety. It’s the worst. It’s scary because anxiety and heart issues are not friends. Most days I question if I’m about to have a heart attack lately….but then I just realize that it’s anxiety. Last week I had my annual stress test and although I haven’t gotten the official results back, they let me leave the hospital, which is always promising.
I am seeing a therapist, something I have always been a big advocate of. So many people feel as though only “crazy people” need to see a therapist….many people see it as a sign of weakness to admit that you need help in finding ways to cope with the many stressful things that life throws at you. But I am the opposite. I believe that it takes someone with incredible strength to have the courage to ask for help, to admit that they don’t know everything and need the assistance of someone who has studied the human brain and how we can learn to better deal with all the struggles life inevitably drops in our paths. I’ve also been developing a theory for some time now, and have many case studies going that the people who protest seeking therapy the most, are the ones who probably need it the most…….think about it……
Why am I telling you all this? I’m not 100% sure. I think because I want to just put it out there. I am not ashamed. I love who I am, I am someone who wears my heart on my sleeve and am confident about sharing my issues with others, maybe someone reading this is feeling some of the same things and will find a bit of validation that they are not alone in sometimes feeling a bit…unbalanced…and bit crazy…a bit sad…a bit overwhelmed. A bit stuck in a rut.
I want to be my most happy. I want to be able to fully believe the things I say I believe. Like how I believe everything happens for a reason. I really do believe this theory, but sometimes putting it into action is harder than we think. Some things happen sometimes and we may not understand the reason at the time, but I’ve found that in time, the light shines on the reason and I shake my head and nod and go, “Oh Universe, you’re funny…” But, if I fully believed this cliché, I wouldn’t be anxious about what life had in store for me, because whatever it was, was going to be for a good reason, in the end. Does that make sense? I want to let go of what I cannot control in this life, like people who try to hurt me and not let their issues affect my life as well as the outcome of the course of other people’s lives. Then, really pull in the reigns of what I can control, like my health, my attitude and my outlook.
And maybe a lot of that starts here. This blog. This little thing that has brought me enormous happiness and pride in the past two and a half years. Just writing. Getting it out. The funny stuff, the crappy stuff…and everything in between. Because I know that we’re all dealing with so much. We all struggle sometimes. We all need reminders that we are doing our best, that the Universe is on our side, that good ALWAYS beats evil. And most importantly, when it’s lost, like it has been a little bit for me lately (or a lot actually), that there truly is funny in everything. There is humor in everything. There has to be. It’s when you lose your humor, that things start to become a little out of whack, a little too much to handle. Laughter certainly is the best medicine, I have learned in my almost 40 years and I need some medicine. (Not just Xanax…)
So, I think I will get back on the blogging train, I used to always use the “train” reference in regards to losing weight, I’m really into the train metaphor, I guess. Weird. I don’t know if I’ve even ever been on a train and why would you be getting on a train to lose weight anyways or to gain perspective of your life? It’s not a very good metaphor, but whatever, let’s just go with it.
Listen, life is hard. Right? It’s so hard. There’s so many day-to-day challenges and then on top of that you have major life challenges to deal with. There’s bills to pay, children to raise, dogs to bring to the vet, houses to clean, dinners to plan, health to manage, all sorts of relationships to maintain and did I mention having a job? I mean, that’s just like a teeny slice of all the things. It’s ridiculously exhausting.
I just want you to know, if you’re reading this and you’re going through some bad stuff, that it will get better. I know it will. We’ve all just got to learn to control what we are able to control and let go of the crap that we just can’t control and surround ourselves with happy stuff. Like, good people, funny movies, walking outdoors, organizing your bureau drawers, funny videos on YouTube about unlikely animal friendships, whatever it is that makes you happy (and healthy).
I’ve been a bit off my path lately. My happy and healthy path. Happens to the best of us. But, I can see it. It’s like, right over there…and I just winked at it. I think this blog is the rope I needed to pull myself back on. So, thanks for reading and you will be hearing from me again soon. Because after all, I’m just a blogging girl, in a blogging world.
I’m sure I’ll be way funnier and less wicked depressing soon.
I heart you all,