I’ve been trying for years to get the title of this blog to become like, a thing. People all sayin’…”Man, I got issues like tissues…” I mean, it doesn’t make a TON of sense, but I still think it’s pretty funny…and who doesn’t like rhyming?
I know everyone has issues. But sometimes I think there’s definitely a spectrum. I’m sure there are people out there who are pretty balanced, even-keeled, make good choices and have somewhat of a smooth life. Right? I’m just not one of those people.
I had made this list in an earlier draft of this blog that just stated 10 issues I had, bullet points. I looked at it and thought, “I can’t put that out there!” There’ll be people all sitting around in my living room when I get home, waiting to have an intervention and I haven’t even vacuumed today!! See??
I’ll just say that I have a lot of issues with finding balance in my life. As I’m sure so many do. I have been known to binge eat, binge drink, mask crazy amounts of anxiety, fight depression, struggle with obsessive/impulsive disorders and much, much more.
I’ll just go over a couple for now, and maybe make this into a regular topic. I’ll be all, “Issues Like Tissues: Part 27”
Can’t Stop Thinking
I am someone that is self-aware and self-reflecting to a fault…literally, every single conversation that I have with every single person in my life, I question if I said something wrong, bad inflection, inappropriate hand gestures, was I annoying, was I making good eye contact??? Holy crap, it’s exhausting. Here’s a great example of this. The other day, I was driving out of the parking garage at work and passed one of my good friends who was walking to the parking garage. I did a big smile and wave and he just gave me a tiny head nod and barely any smile. This sent me into a spiral of wondering what had I said to him that day to offend him?? I had, in fact, said something about how he was wearing this really nice outfit, but had this torn and tattered hoodie over it and it just didn’t go. Had he taken SO much offense to this that he no longer liked me?? Thought I was a judgmental asshole?? I was seriously stressed. The next morning, he came into my office and I asked him. I had to find out so that I could sleep once again. I couldn’t bear for him to be angry at me, for us not to be friends anymore!!! Guess what? He was carrying stuff and was really tired. See?? This. This is what I do. ALL. THE. TIME.
Eating it all.
(This is not a surprise, I’ve talked about my eating issues in like 199 of my 203 blogs)
There’s this guy in my head, maybe a girl, but I think it’s a little guy in a red suit, not Santa, more like, the devil…and he whispers to me all the time about eating. Most recently, to eat ALL the candy in the house. He says, “Just do it so it’s all gone and you won’t have to think of it just sitting over there if it’s all gone!” I nod and think, that is a good idea. Get it out of here and tomorrow I’ll start. “Tomorrow is the beginning. The time that I lose weight for real!” (Something I have said to myself and out loud at least 874 times in my life.) But I want to be “balanced” about it, no extreme dieting solutions anymore. So there are 9 mini dark chocolate peanut butter cups in the kitchen. So I eat it 4. I can have 4. They’re tiny. I’ll even count them in my calories for the day! No big deal! Then, I feel sick, because I wasn’t even hungry to begin with, but I wanted something sweet. Then, ALL I can think about is the other 5 that are just sitting there! They’re just over there! Just right over there! They were so delicious. I’ll just eat them all and I won’t have this problem tomorrow. So, I get up out of my chair like there’s smoke coming from the pantry and go grab those other 5 and eat them all like I’m Matt Stonie. But then, guess what? Now, I’m even sicker. My stomach hurts, I have a headache, I feel so guilty. So guess what I need to do now?? Eat some Wheat Thins. Get those out of the house too.
I’m a work in progress. Someday I’ll make good choices. Be balanced and healthy both physically and mentally. Probably starting tomorrow.
Tune in next time for Part 2 of Issues Like Tissues where I’ll discuss these two issues: So Much Vodka & I Just Want To Be Alone.