The Stupid, Obnoxious, Funny, Sexy AF Truth About Me. Part One.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts. I’m on the road a lot going to and from client’s houses and I’ve always loved being able to listen to audiobooks, they help to pass the time quickly and serve to grow my brain. Especially since I’ve literally actually read about 3 books in my lifetime due to my relentless ADD and focus issues, so I feel more “well-read” (or well-listened) with this practice. I’ve heard about podcasts, yes. I used to listen to the Jillian Michaels podcast when I used to work in Corporate America during my most mundane of projects. But, I never really dove into the vast sea that is podcasts nowadays. So, I was looking at the podcasts available on Spotify recently and saw, “Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday Conversations” and as an Oprah devotee, a self-help nut, and a spiritual learning fiend, I knew this was a podcast for me.

Man, this is a long story to get to my point that has nothing to do with podcasts. Well, it does, but it really doesn’t. But it will, in the end. Kind of.

Oprah was having a conversation with Glennon Doyle Wambach. She is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, a blogger and an activist and a philanthropist. Glennon writes about being a mom, relationships, love, life, and does it in a funny and real way. Okay, so, no. I haven’t read any of her books (remember, functioning illiterate?) but I’ve seen her Ted Talk and now have listened to her on the Super Soul podcast. (I may even download one of her books…) She was talking about how her career started (as a blogger…eh? eh?) by simply filling out one of those Facebook viral questionnaires that asked, “25 Things About Me” and how hers were brutally and poignantly honest. Talking about her struggles with bulimia and alcohol abuse, relationships, kids, and life in general. She hadn’t read yet what other people were writing on theirs. When she did, she saw that friends had written more “surfacey” stuff…like, “I love hummus.” She didn’t realize this quiz wasn’t meant to be for revealing your deepest depths. However, because she did, because she shared her authentic truths with people, and people loved it, her post went viral and was the beginning of her journey to where she is now.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking I shouldn’t copycat her by writing my own list so that my blog will become famous and I’ll become a #1 New York Times Bestselling author. Well, that’s not why I want to do it. (Well, it’s not the only reason…wink.) I want to do it because I do feel as though I am an authentic, honest-to-a-fault person and believe that if we all shared more of our REAL selves in this world of online masquerade ball, the world could be a better place. Sharing your real truths, your real feelings about this life that is both amazingly beautiful and filled with so much joy and fun and love but also filled with so much challenge, and heartbreak, and pain. Both sides should have their day in the sun. Why? Because I feel through the speaking of one’s truth, we all become more connected in a real way. To know that we all are connected by our common threads of joy and pain. (And maybe our common thread of loving the song, “Joy & Pain” by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock.) So, this is why I’m doing my own list. My own 25 Things About Me. My list isn’t all shocking and heart-pouring, some just anecdotes about my life that maybe no one knew. This will be a (are you ready for this??) a 5-part series! Because like me, I know we’re all a bit short of attention and can only read for about 4 seconds…so, if you’ve gotten this far, wow. Impressive. Stay tuned every Sunday for the rest of the list. 🙂

Okay, here goes…

25 Things About Me

By Chick A

25. When my Mum was in labor with me, there was a flood in the operating room. They shoved my mother and unborn me in a linen closet until it was taken care of. I think that’s why I love swimming so much.

24. When I was about 12 years old, I was getting onto the bus for school. I have been a chubby girl since probably before I turned double digits and by 12, I was bigger than most. That also means, that my little boobies were not so little. I was already having a hard time with being bullied about my weight but I had learned super early to fight bullying with great comic timing and humor, so…I could stand my ground for the most part especially when totally embarrassing and humiliating things happened to me. Which, sadly, was quite often. Here’s one. I’m getting on the bus one spring morning, probably wearing some Izod shirt or t-shirt of some rock band that I hadn’t ever heard the music of but thought wearing it would give me some street cred. So, I’m walking up those really TALL bus steps and I trip and fall. When I fall, I fall so that my little boobie goes through the handrail. Like, it almost got stuck in the handrail…and I had to slowly pull it out. No joke. Everyone laughed, of course…so did I. Oh, I’m a klutz, how funny, I played it off. Well, in the next couple days, I had a crazy bruise that covered almost the entirety of my little boobie. To this day, still…not a fan of busses.

23. I cry all the time. I’m always impressed if a day goes by that I don’t cry. Tears of happiness and sadness. It’s currently 8:31 AM on a Sunday morning and I’ve already cried today. During my meditation practice this morning, I like to visualize sending a hug to my Dad in heaven and it makes me cry every day. But, later I might cry because I see a super cute video of a dog helping a kitten or a Millenial helping an old lady cross the street.

22. I spend about 80% of my day arguing with my brain. I once had a therapist tell me, “Your brain is not your friend.” And man, she was right. My brain is a total asshole. Always telling me stories that piss me off or make me sad. My brain likes to “angercize”. This is a term me and Chick E made up years ago for when you get mad about things that haven’t even happened. To prepare. In case they actually do happen. Makes sense, right? I bet I say 14 times a day, “SHUT UP BRAIN!”

21. I am definitely on the OCD spectrum. People say a lot, “I’m so OCD”…as do I. I say “on the spectrum” as not to offend people who have it on a debilitating level. Like, they can’t leave the house without locking the door 18 times or touching every doorknob. I don’t have that. But, I am late to things because I’m running out the door and see there are two items in my kitchen sink that need to be cleaned and I’ll say to myself, “I’ll do it later, it’s not that bad” and try to keep walking towards my garage…but I ALWAYS get pulled back. I can’t just leave it there. It causes me a lot of stress and anxiety to just leave it there, so I just do it. I hate it. I hate being late to things, I really do. That causes me a whole other bout of stress and anxiety but the need to leave my house perfect and do many, many other things in my life perfectly, is definitely debilitating for me.

20. I can literally look into a mirror and with 100% seriousness and honesty think to myself, “You’re hot.” I have surprisingly high self-esteem. Well, most would think it was surprising. When you’re a…(I don’t know what we’re calling ourselves these days, Chubby Chick? Curvy? Big-boned? Large Marge? Fatso? I personally like Chubby Chick, go figure, so I’ll go with that) When you’re a chubby Chick like me, most of society tells you that maybe you’d be pretty/hot/sexy if you lost weight. But for now, you’re not. What you have, hopefully, is a “nice personality” or again like me, “are really funny”…but not “want to get in your pants” hot. No, no. But, for some reason, I do think I’m hot. I like my calves, face and yes, my boobs the most. Sitting here, thinking about this right now is making me laugh. Why would I tell anyone this?? I’m going to sound so (illogically) conceited. But here’s the thing…I don’t care. Why should good, or dare I say great self-confidence be something to be ashamed of? We should ALL love ourselves number 1. Think we’re awesome. Listen, I know that outer beauty is not as important as inner beauty. I also believe that your inner beauty makes your outer beauty more beautiful. Beauty is certainly, in the eye of the beholder, as they say. I hope, at least in your own eyes, you see your beauty. This is the thing, we all should understand and accept our strengths and weaknesses. Physically, mentally, spiritually, in business, in personal relationships, in everything and be proud of our strengths and work towards bettering our weaknesses with no shame. My strength? Well, I have many (obviously humbleness is not one)…but having self-confidence in my appearance, albeit not the norm of society’s standards of beauty, is definitely one. Not every moment of every day, no. Right now, I have on the pajamas I wore all day yesterday and put my hair up in a ponytail in the dark and if I took a photo of myself, it would probably scare small children. But when I put myself together, which is almost every day, because I like to look fiiiiinnnee…I look, well….fiiiiinnnee. Sometimes I blow myself a kiss in the mirror. What??

So, that’s it for this first chapter of 25 Things About Me. It’s funny, as honest and open of a person that I am to everyone that I come in contact with, some of these things were more difficult to put out there. To allow myself to be judged about. But I believe that sharing your truths is a path to freedom. A freedom that we all should strive to reach. My hope is that my truths will resonate with readers, to relate to, to grow from, to remind them that we’re ALL a bunch of weirdos just trying to get by and be happy. With our minds yelling obscenities at us, our eyes sore from all the crying, our lifetime of humiliating and interesting stories, and of course, walking around all hot and sexy and not sharing it with the world. What a travesty.

Please, if you want to dip a toe into this freedom, leave a comment below telling me something about yourself. I guess it could be that you too, like Glennon Doyle’s Facebook friend, like hummus. But, I dare you, to dig a bit deeper and share with the world your important truths. What makes you, you. The good, the bad, and all the drop-dead gorgeousness.

See you next Sunday, with truth and love,

-Chick A

P.S. All this podcast listening and appreciation lately has got me thinking…………..and I’m just going to leave it at that, for now. 😉

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