Chick E’s True Crime Issues

I have an addiction. Some of you will relate to this one instantly while others of you will probably think I’m crazy, or possibly psychotic. I’ll let you be the judge. I have an addiction to murder stories, AKA true crime podcasts. All things considered, it could be worse. It’s not drugs or alcohol or shopping (well………), but it is very rare to find me these days without AirPods in my ears playing my stories.

Anyway. That early love of stories of people living or not living through these terrible and terrifying events has stuck. I used to watch a lot of Dateline and 20/20 but now, it’s all about the podcasts (slow clap). Podcasts have taken over my day. I cannot clean, or cook, or fold laundry, run, walk, or breathe, without someone telling me some horrifying story in my ear. I spend most of my day saying things like “Oh my God!” or “Holy sh*t!!” or “Why would he do that?!?”, out loud, to myself, like an insane person. I’ve listened to thousands of hours of abject terror and just can.not.get.enough. (There has GOT to be something wrong with me.)

You either get it, or you don’t. And if you don’t, we really shouldn’t talk about what I’m listening to.

I’ve always been into true crime. Remember Unsolved Mysteries?? I loved that show so much. I just Googled it. It started in 1987. I was 6. I wonder if I was actually watching that when I was 6…Mom? If I wasn’t watching it at 6, I was probably really close to it. Like 8 or 10. I guess that show wasn’t necessarily all about murder and serial killers and other absolutely terrifying events so my parents are off the hook. Rescue 911 was another one I loved which the Google tells me started when I was 8! That one was basically people getting mauled or maimed or into terrible accidents. Man. What was wrong with me? You know what else? When I was probably 10 or 11, my friend and I would walk downtown to our local movie rental place and rent…get ready for it…ALIVE. Like every weekend! The movie Alive! It’s a f’ing miracle that I’ve managed to become a somewhat productive and successful adult. (If you don’t know what that movie is about, here’s the summary from IMDb: Stranded after a plane crash in the Andes mountains, individual members of Uruguay’s rugby team respond differently. Group leader Nando (Ethan Hawke) tries to keep everyone’s spirits up; medical student Roberto (Josh Hamilton) diligently treats cases of frostbite and gangrene; loose cannon Antonio (Vincent Spano) gradually loses his composure. Once all available food stuffs run out, the group faces a terrible dilemma: eat one or more of their deceased teammates, or die.) WHY DID I WANT TO WATCH THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? That movie is based on a true story, btw. Check it out. For real.

onethousandpercent me

Here are some of my favorites:

• My Favorite Murder – probably my absolute favorite. It combines two of my loves, true crime and comedy. It’s gold.
• Sword and Scale – lacks the humor that Karen and Georgia bring to My Favorite Murder, but Mike, the host, is an amazing storyteller. He gets into some really crazy and terrible murders that will honestly leave you a little haunted.
• Morbid – splits the difference of the two listed above by inserting a bit of comedy but the hosts still keep it pretty serious.

Those are my three main go-tos that put out regular episodes that I consume the instant they come out, unless I’m asleep. Here are some others that are also about horrifying things that I’ve listened to and…enjoyed? Good lord that just feels wrong to say.

• The Piketon Massacre
• Down the Hill: The Delphi Murders
• 22 Hours: An American Nightmare (holy shit it really is)
• The Murder Squad
• Missing in Alaska
• Serial
• Morally Indefensible
• Paper Ghosts
• The Teacher’s Pet
• Someone Knows Something

That’s just to name a few. I haven’t invested a lot of time or money into therapy, but I may need to. There is just something that feels so wrong listening to stories about how people died. But, I will say…because of this obsession I like to think I’m a little more in tune with my surroundings. Here’s the deal guys, like the Boys Scouts say: Always Be Prepared (to be murdered). Ok they don’t say that last part but that’s what I’m saying. When you go out for a walk? A run? A cigarette? Whatever your thing is, keep an eye out. You never f’ing know! People be crazy.

-Chick E

PS. Can you please drop your favorite true crime podcasts in the comments? Because I honestly am starting to run out and I don’t know how I’ll function if that happens. Please and thank you.