Chick A Confesses: I Can’t Tell Time.

Sometimes it hits me that many of my posts are about how dumb I am….or how OCD I am….or how crazy/weird/insane/idiotic I am. And, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I mean, am I dumb, OCD, crazy, weird, insane, idiotic? Yes. Yes, I am. But, I don’t want to portray that so carelessly. I should want to come across as smarter and more normal, right?

Eh, whatever…normal is boring.

This leads me to the title of this post, “I Can’t Tell Time”.

My stepson needs a watch for school…so, I’m looking at watches on Amazon (aka the Greatest Website on Earth) and there are so many cool ones, with all these functions and LED lights and buttons, I mean, I wouldn’t know how to work any of these things, but still, if I was deep sea diving or spelunking, I’d be totally set.

Seriously. What is going on with this watch?? You’d need to take a seminar on using this! (But at least it’s digital!)

 

(That reminds me of a funny Jerry Seinfeld bit, watch here…the video starts at 4 min 23 sec and you can stop at 5 min 30 sec…or watch the whole thing if you like laughing…)

However, most of these cool watches are analog….(now saying this I’m wondering, is that the word? Analog? The opposite of digital, right? Analog is the one without the actual numbers, like it doesn’t say 12:30?) So, I’m thinking to myself…is he going to be able to read this if it’s not digital??

Here’s the thing…and to further my negative claims about my intelligence…I have literally never been able to tell time…on a real clock.

It was around 9th or 10th grade when my Mum bought me my first Swatch Watch. It was SO awesome…it kinda looked like this:

It was actually even cooler than this one…if you can believe that.

Then, she found out that I couldn’t read it and was horrified, so she bought me something along the lines of this:

But, it was just something that never clicked with me…it was as if I was born without that section of my brain that can tell time. I couldn’t be taught. My brain couldn’t process this information. I was also born without the sections that are able to listen to directions on how to get somewhere by car, follow instructions on paper on how to put furniture together (Damn you, IKEA!!)  and know anything at all about Geography.

I’m looking at this picture above right now, thinking….”Even now….I don’t even know what time that Fisher Price clock says!” So embarrassing. (Then I realize there actually is a digital clock on there as well….11:05….oh brother…)

I used to wear non-digital watches because they looked cool, but I never knew what time it was…and then inevitably, someone would come up to me and say, “What time is it?” And I would have a total panic attack. I’d look down, “Ummm….ahhh….3:25?” I’d say with some uncertainty. They’d look at me funny and walk away. It was probably like 11:15. I mean, I could literally guess the time better by looking at the sun than a non-digital, maybe called analog watch. Or, instead, if someone asked me the time, I’d just show them my watch, like, “Here….you can look.”

This is how I would tell someone what time it was if they asked me. This is also basically what I’d see when I’d look at my non-digital watch. Just lines and arrows pointing every which way.

I stopped wearing watches, by the way. I couldn’t take the stress and pressure anymore. So now I just say to people, all carefree and above it all, “I hate living by time…” If they only knew….

So, I don’t know if I should get my stepson a digital watch in case he’s missing that section of his brain too? Or, get him the other kind so that he doesn’t grow up to be like me…he can take after me in other ways, like killer dance moves and comedic timing. You’re welcome, J.

Does anyone else have any parts of their brains missing that makes them unable to do really elementary things? Or is it just me? 😦 Just sad old me, all by myself, feeling stupid over here?

Make me feel better about myself…

Heart you, thanks for trying Mum…

-Chick A